The Middle of Starting Over

Music has always had the ability to transform space and time. With just a few chords I can quickly be transported back to a time and place seemingly from another dimension. This has become especially true since Harper’s passing. I can’t hear certain songs without immediately becoming overwhelmed.

Oddly, it isn’t the songs you would expect. “Brave”, her personal anthem, only seems to be a problem when others react to it. “Compass”, the song sang at her celebration, brings a feeling of joy and freedom. However, there is one song that no matter how hard I try to distract myself or hold back the tears, I can’t seem to get past.

“The Middle of Starting Over” by Sabrina Carpenter is probably a song many of you have never heard before but one that instantly takes me back to days on end sitting in the hospital watching Disney Channel. This song, more so than any of the others played, has stuck with me.

Alone in a room
Tearing down the walls
Painting over scars and bruises
Now this is home
Fill it up with love
And make the best of something new

Yup, that’s about where we are. Not only is it where we are, but it is also where I envision Harper is. For all our talk of joy, Harper was likely pissed the day she woke up and found herself on the other side. She didn't like change, especially unexpected change, and she had some serious trust issues. The reason we choose joy is because she always moved past her anger and looked for the good.

For us, Hope From Harper is an effort to move forward, make the best of our new normal, and find the joy in life. I personally, have made lifelong friends I never would have crossed paths with had we not taken this journey. One such person is David Elster. Many of you will remember David as our contact for St. Baldrick’s. Occasionally you meet people and, even though you have only known them for a short time, you feel as if you have known them forever. For Brian and I, David is one of those people.

As we begin to sort through the logistics of starting a Not for Profit, one of the first decisions we are required to make is to choose a board of directors of at least three people. Until we solidify our direction, three people is enough. Eventually the board will grow as the foundation grows, but for now, protecting Harper’s memory is the most important thing. Entrusting her memory to someone outside of Brian and myself was a struggle I never envisioned (apparently I also have some trust issues), but as soon as David’s name was brought in the discussion it just felt right.

Beyond trusting him with Harps, David brings many attributes to Hope From Harper. As part of the Hope From Harper vision, we anticipate working with larger established organizations, the primary one being St. Baldrick’s. David’s involvement with St. B brings connections and experience. He has been involved with the organization for 5 years as a participant and for 3 years as a Volunteer Event Organizer in several different cities. As a financial advisor for Merrill Lynch he is able to help guide the foundation fiscally.

Most importantly, David brings his enthusiasm to better the lives and bring hope to families who have a child with cancer, and at its heart, that is what Hope From Harper is about.

As hard as it seems
I hold my breath and just believe

I’m in the middle of starting over